Self matters pdf download

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Must redeem within 90 days. Maybe you got a charge out of thinking of your strengths or imagining your future. Maybe you don't usually spend a lot of time thinking of yourself as a car. That's all okay. Each of the phrases above gives you an opportunity to tune in to more of your self-concept. Before you move on, read over what you've written. Are there any questions for which you wrote something other than your first real response? Was there any item for which you said, "Well, I'm not going to write that!

Was there any phrase that you didn't really want to answer? Right now, I want you to go back and write what you chose not to write the first time through. You don't have to erase anything, just add the new stuff on. Those thoughts that you edited out before you could write them are just as important as the thoughts you chose to record. What you write is for your eyes only, and you should be sure to keep your workbook in a place that is safe.

I can't emphasize enough how important it is that you be as honest and complete in your answers as possible. Once you've given your best to this exercise, you're ready to move on. This is a fascinating and enlightening exercise that takes a little courage and some effort, but offers enormous rewards in terms of learning how you appear to the world. Select five people whom you know and who have some knowledge of you. These should be people you trust as individuals.

You may select a friend, your spouse, your children, your parent, a person at work, another family member, or even a former teacher. What you are going to do is conduct a brief interview with you as the subject of conversation. This does not have to be face-to-face.

It can be done on the telephone or even on the Internet. The goal is to gather feedback in a non-defensive way about how you come across to others. You'll be asking people to lend you a little assistance that takes very little time and no preparation on their side. Most people are more than willing to participate, if asked. You may think you'll remember what is said and how it is said, but you won't.

Memory is a slippery thing, especially if you feel embarrassed or flustered. You can believe or not believe it. Just listen and consider the information. There's nothing worse than asking someone for an opinion and then holding it against them in some way. If you're going to do this interview and benefit from it, you have to play fair. Here is a possible script for you to use: "I am doing a 'Dr.

Phil' course from the Oprah show on how to be more successful in my life, and I would like you to give me a little honest feedback about how I have come across at times. I want to ask you about ten questions. These are all phrased in a positive way because I need to know my strengths, not my weaknesses. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable, but this would be important and helpful for me to know.

Please describe something that I consistently do well. Interviewee: You: 2. Please name one thing you have seen me do well. Interviewee: You: 3. Please tell me the best thing about how I look. Interviewee: You: 4. In as much detail as possible, can you remember any time that I seemed to be happiest? Tell me what you think my strongest traits are. Interviewee: You: 6. If you were going to describe my best strengths with three words, what would they be?

Interviewee: You: 7. If you were in a situation in which you thought I could help you in some way, what would that situation be?

Interviewee: You: 8. Can you tell me any aspect you respect about me? If you had to describe me as a car, what kind of car would I be? Interviewee: You: If you had to describe me as an animal, what kind of animal would I be?

Interviewee: You: When the interview is over, thank the person who agreed to help you and postpone any further conversation until later. Then sit down alone with your interview and, alongside of each of the interviewees statement about you, express how you feel about what was said.

Continue with the remaining four interviews, using the forms provided here. Interviewee: You: 5. Interviewee: You: 9. Interviewee: You: 6 If you were going to describe my best strengths with three words, what would they be?

If you had to describe me as car what kind of car would I be? What I want you to do now is pull together the ground you've covered. In the space provided below, write a one-paragraph response to each of the questions.

Draw on both your own responses and the responses you received in the in- terviews. What have you learned about yourself through this process? What took you by surprise? How has this process changed how you feel about you? By now, you are beginning to recognize that your self-concept, life choices, and outcomes have their roots in your personal history.

A gen- eral understanding of an abstract idea, however, isn't going to change your life. For a genuine life change, you need to get real about you. You need to do the hard work of digging into the real facts of your own ex- periences and uncover the events and people who have contributed to making you who you are and how you are today.

The exercises that follow are designed to help you unearth ten of the most influential events of your life, which I have called your "Denning Moments. It's absolutely essential, however, that you remember this truth: If it's important to you, it's important. The chart shown here is meant to help trigger some memories; it is by no means a complete list.

Your defining moments are the outlines of your life and may, in fact, fit into rather different categories. Find a quiet spot, commit real time, and have extra paper on hand in case you need more writing space. Write to yourself, knowing that what you recall is totally confidential and for your eyes only. Now review the chart, then follow the directions for each step of the exercise.

Take time to think through the various stages of the life you have lived so far. You may want to deal with only one age range in a single sitting. That's fine as long as you come back to the exercise again and again until you've completed it. Perhaps you will not immediately remember something from your youngest years, but an adolescent memory is uppermost on your mind. Push yourself to access the earlier years, but don't get hung up if defining childhood moments don't surface. Keep going.

You can come back to the earlier time after you've explored some of the later experiences. The life stories you're about to tell are important because they have had consequences in your life. They deserve your full concentration and focus. Promise yourself now that you'll care enough about yourself to do this right! Where are you at this moment? How old are you? Who is there with you, or who is supposed to be there with you?

What is happening that makes this moment so significant? What emotions or changes of emotions are you experiencing e.

How would you change this situation if you could? If you could speak to someone at this moment, who would it be? What would you say? What are you saying to yourself? What do you need right now more than anything else? How do you feel now about this defining moment? What emotions are you having now!

What are you telling yourself about these events today'? What power and self-determination, if any, did you lose to this event, if it was a negative event? If it was positive, what did you learn or gain? Defining Moment 2 1.

Now bring yourself back to the present and answer the following ques- tions. What are you telling yourself about these events today! Defining Moment 3 1. What emotions are you having now? What are you telling yourself about these events today? Defining Moment 4 1. What emotions are you having 3. Defining Moment 5 1. Now bring yourself back to the present and answer the following questions. Defining Moment 6 1. Defining Moment 7 1. Defining Moment 8 1. Defining Moment 9 1. Defining Moment 10 1.

You've accomplished some- thing critical in recalling and unpacking these memories. Have you left anything important out - either because it just came back to you, or because you've been avoiding talking about it? If so, work on it before you go on. Once you feel satisfied that you've done your best, continue.

Now that you know what your ten defining moments are, I want you to get a handle on these key pieces of your personal history. On the pages to come, use the questions provided to guide you through the process of understanding the impact these defining moments continue to have on your self-concept and life. Begin by making a short-form list of the ten moments. This may help you as you look for common themes and connections.

For the moment, ignore the "Emotion" and "When? List Your Ten Defining Moments 1. Emotion When? Now go back to each event and label the emotional response the memory of that event produces in you. The emotional response may be hate or love, excitement or depression, comfort or anxiety, trust or suspicion, glee or sadness, a sense of security or fear. Or it may be something else.

Record it in the space labeled "Emotion. Write it out in the space labeled "When? Defining Moment 1 Describe this moment in one brief paragraph. Name the dimension s affected by this moment for example: confidence, sense of security, hope, peace, ambition, joy, love, etc. Describe the "before" and "after" character of each dimension of your self-concept that was affected by this moment. Specifically, how were you different because of it? Write a paragraph to describe the long-term residual effect of this defining moment.

What qualities or lack of qualities have developed as a direct consequence of this event? How has it defined you? This may be a negative event with a negative effect, a negative event with a positive effect, a positive event with a negative effect, or a positive event with a positive effect. It may even be a mixed bag. Explore it and commit yourself to a position. Review your interpretation of and reaction to the defining moment. Decide whether or not you believe your interpretation was and is accurate or inaccurate.

Let time that has passed, objectivity, maturity, and experience help answer the question: "Has my interpretation of this defining moment been accurate?

Or have I exaggerated or distorted it in some way? Include one paragraph as to why. What change occurred in your self-concept as a result of this defining moment? How were you different because of it?

Write down how and why you think the defining moment either clarified or distorted your authentic self. Defining Moment 3 Describe this moment in one brief paragraph. How were you different because of it. Defining Moment 4 Describe this moment in one brief paragraph. Defining Moment 6 Describe this moment in one brief paragraph. Defining Moment 7 Describe this moment in one brief paragraph.

Reviewing them as a whole, what has been the bottom-line effect on your concept of self, having lived through them? Would you say that your defining moments have affected your life positively or negatively? Use the T-chart provided here to review the effects. Don't stop filling up this T until you have thoroughly reviewed all of what you wrote in the preceding exercise.

Then identify the overall trend or pattern among the ten events. Take a moment before you move on to consider what you have learned. If you were to briefly describe to a close friend the most important discovery you have made so far, what would it be? Write it out here. You have been looking back over the moments and events in your life that have had a lasting effect on your concept of self.

It's essential to re- member, however, that life is more than a series of events that happen to you. Your life demands an unceasing series of responses from you, and you make your responses in the form of choices. Whether you step up to the plate and choose boldly, or chicken out with the choice to not choose, you are actually choosing all the time.

Some of your choices turn out really well. Others turn out to be disasters. Regardless of a choice's outcome for good or bad, it has the potential to powerfully affect your life.

The older you become, the more power your choices carry - because the impact covers more and more ground, legally, morally, physically, financially, and socially.

Unlike the defining moments of your life, some of which were cer- tainly outside of your control, the choices you have made and continue to make are percent your responsibility. This doesn't mean that you know at the time what the possible consequences will or can be.

It does mean that you and you alone make the ultimate choice about what you do or do not do, think or do not think, be or do not be. Some of your choices and your internal responses to them have created major results that have caused distortions and defects in your self-concept and your interactions with the world. Yet you may not even remember the choices that got you where you are today.

Your goal here is to recall critical choices and reconnect them in your understanding to their long- term results in your life. First of all, I want you to think in terms of what you chose. Use the following list of life dimensions or categories to stimulate your thinking.

There are many different arenas in your life, and you've made choices in all of them. You don't have to restrict yourself to this list, of course - if you think of another category that is important in your life, add it.

Remember, too, that you should not feel compelled to draw a critical choice from each of the dimensions listed. One or another may or may not be relevant to this exercise. The list is provided just to help, not to define.

Recall the various age brackets that you used as you considered the ten defining moments of your life. Again, you may discover a critical choice in nearly all of the categories or you may not. The breakdown is intended to help you dig more deeply than what occurs to you quickly. What factors came into play when you were faced with a choice? As you search for your seven critical choices, keep in mind that you, like all humans, have certain motivations and needs that drive your choices from moment to moment.

Experts have identified a hierarchy of human needs that seem to be generally present in all people. You satisfy the most basic needs first. As those are met, your needs become more sophisticated and refined. You may find that it helps you identify these choices to go back to the exercises concerning your defining moments.

Any of those defining moments could easily be a time when you made a choice that shaped your life view. Do yourself the honor of treating this time of reflection seriously. You deserve the opportunity to make a positive impact on your life. Take this opportunity and do it right! Critical Choice 1 Age bracket in which I made it 1. What was the choice? Write a sentence that describes it.

Why did you make it? Write a paragraph that describes what prompted this choice. Identify as many factors as you can recall. What alternatives did you give up by making this choice? Write a paragraph that describes the "cost" of the choice you made. Where were you, in terms of your self-concept, immediately before this choice, and what was your self-concept after this choice? What aspect or dimension of your self-concept was involved in or was af- fected by the choice?

Write your observations down. Write a paragraph to describe the long-term residual effect of this critical choice. Write down how and why you think the critical choice either clarified or distorted your authentic self.

Review your interpretation of and reaction to the critical choice. Decide whether or not you believe your interpretation and whether it was and is accurate or inaccurate. Ask yourself: "Has my inter- pretation of this critical choice been accurate?

Have I exaggerated or distorted it in some way? Write down how and why you think the critical choice either clari- fied or distorted your authentic self. Your work in remembering and evaluating your critical choices is an important step in retrieving the history of your self-concept, and you will want to think over both what you have written and what it means to you today.

What was most surprising to you as you remembered and wrote about your seven critical choices? Describe in writing what surprised you, and explain why it was surprising. It continues to amaze me that people devote so great a part of their life energy to denying who they are.

They try to be so many things to so many people that they wear themselves out, drive themselves to illness and breakdown, and end up in a tragic disconnect from what and who matters most to them. This journey you and I have undertaken together is all about getting back to who you really are.

It's all about learning how to be your own best friend and greatest advocate, instead of your own worst enemy. It's all about understanding the expectations and demands of others in the context of your own hopes and dreams, talents and temperament, and coming out of these relationships with your authenticity intact. In order to do that, however, you need to get real about the people who have "helped" you get where you are today.

Whoever they are, these pivotal people have had or are having a huge impact on the formation and content of your self-concept. They have the power to mightily affect whether your life truly reflects your core self or some fictional self that has crowded the authentic you out of the picture. Yet only a handful of those people have left an indelible mark on your life and self-concept. It is that handful that I want you to focus on now.

You need first to identify the five people who have been most pivotal in determining your concept of self. You then need to examine in detail the role each has played. It's only when you come to grips with the reality of this that you can begin to deal with the effects in your life. Remember, as well, that your pivotal people may include those who have made a powerfully positive impact on your experience at a critical moment or over an important period of time in your life.

Just as certainly, they may include individuals whose negative impact resulted in a poisoning or distortion of your concept of self. They may include people whom you've known all your life or have just met. They may be individuals who are close to you or are relative strangers to you. It's sometimes too easy to zero in on a certain few people in your life who show up a lot, and then assume that they must be the "pivotal" people.

In uncovering the sources of de- velopment and distortion in your concept of self, however, there may be hidden pain or anxiety that generally keeps some of your personal history more deeply buried. So start by making a "master list" of individuals you remember from your life. Look back over the list of categories and age brackets in chapter 5 to stimulate your memory. You have known many more than fifty people by name in your lifetime.

All I'm asking is that you come up with fifty, and there may even be one or two among them whose name you don't know! The easy ones are family and close friends. But don't forget teachers and religious leaders, coaches, employers or colleagues, neighbors or community leaders, people in the news, or even the local librarian.

You may be surprised, as you revisit different times in your life, what comes to mind as you reconnect your memories to specific individuals. Use this page to list at least fifty people you remember. These are people whom you not only remember, but have felt an effect from. If you were a pond, which of the fifty people you recalled would you say caused at least a ripple? List them here, along with a brief description of the role they played or are playing in your life.

Name Role 2. Name Role 3. Self-Esteem Matters gives you the answers to these vital questions. The book is a practical step-by-step program designed to strengthen your self-esteem. The program is easy to follow and consists of fifty-two topics, one for each week of the year. With each topic, there are a number of exercises specifically designed to enhance and maintain your self-esteem.

You may follow the program week by week or pick and choose the exercises relevant to you at a particular time. The choice is yours. Our self-esteem is critically important. Individual self-esteem determines our attitude and the emotions we feel in all situations and with every experience we encounter. A strong self-esteem establishes and maintains positive attitudes.

It increases our level of confidence and self-belief when dealing with others. It strengthens our resolve to seize opportunities for personal growth. It inspires us to be our true self and to be the person we truly want to be. This program is suitable for all ages. If you have the desire for change, self-esteem does matter. We all have the capacity to strengthen our self-esteem. When you have the desire and the motivation, Self-Esteem Matters provides you with the techniques and the program for change.

Focusing on self-esteem this title is designed to raise awareness among young people of caring for their own mental health and encouraging them to support others experiencing mental health problems. It is a resource bank containing: exploration of the nature of self-esteem; 10 activities you can use or adapt to a range of situations to increase young people's understanding of self-esteem; and case study illustrating a successful project.

It supports young people's learning of factors affecting their self-esteem. It includes tips on how to boost levels of self-confidence. The Miracle! In this book Nicholas presents you a practical, unique, subliminal, very simple, detailed method of how to Be Yourself and Why It Matters. You will feel the effects immediately and the results will appear very quickly! Highest customer reviews on one of the most highly-trusted product review platforms.

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